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Basic Toilet Humor

Restroom comedy has long been the safe haven of your Daily, and publications remain attentive regarding memorable lavatory incidents and milestones, particularly within football. Readers were entertained to find out that Big Website columnist Adrian Chiles has a West Brom-themed urinal at his home. Spare a thought for the Barnsley fan who took the rest room somewhat too seriously, and was rescued from the vacant Barnsley ground post-napping in the lavatory at half-time during a 2015 defeat by Fleetwood. “His footwear was missing and had lost his mobile phone and his headwear,” explained an official from the local fire department. And nobody can overlook during his peak popularity playing for City, Mario Balotelli entered a community college for toilet purposes during 2012. “His luxury car was stationed outside, before entering and requesting the location of the toilets, then he went to the teachers’ staff room,” a student told a Manchester newspaper. “Later he simply strolled through the school as if he owned it.”

The Restroom Quitting

Tuesday marks 25 years since Kevin Keegan stepped down as England manager following a short conversation within a restroom stall alongside FA executive David Davies deep within Wembley Stadium, subsequent to the memorable 1-0 setback against Germany in 2000 – the Three Lions' last game at the legendary venue. As Davies remembers in his diary, his confidential FA records, he stepped into the wet struggling national team changing area right after the game, only to find David Beckham in tears and Tony Adams energized, both players begging for the suit to bring Keegan to his senses. After Dietmar Hamann's set-piece, Keegan had trudged down the tunnel with a distant gaze, and Davies found him slumped – reminiscent of his 1996 Liverpool behavior – within the changing area's edge, muttering: “I’m off. I’m not for this.” Stopping Keegan, Davies worked frantically to save the circumstance.

“What place could we identify for confidential discussion?” stated Davies. “The passageway? Swarming with media. The changing area? Crowded with emotional footballers. The bath area? I couldn’t hold a vital conversation with an England manager as players dived into the water. Only one option presented itself. The restroom stalls. A significant event in English football's extensive history occurred in the ancient loos of a venue scheduled for destruction. The impending destruction could almost be smelled in the air. Pulling Kevin into a stall, I secured the door behind us. We remained standing, looking at each other. ‘You cannot persuade me,’ Kevin stated. ‘I'm gone. I'm not suitable. I'll announce to journalists that I'm not competent. I cannot inspire the squad. I can’t get the extra bit out of these players that I need.’”

The Aftermath

Therefore, Keegan stepped down, later admitting that he had found his tenure as national coach “soulless”. The two-time European Footballer of the Year stated: “I had difficulty passing the hours. I ended up coaching the blind squad, the deaf squad, assisting the women's team. It's a tremendously tough role.” Football in England has advanced considerably during the last 25 years. Regardless of improvement or decline, those Wembley toilets and those two towers are long gone, while a German now sits in the dugout where Keegan once perched. Tuchel's team is considered among the frontrunners for next year's international tournament: Three Lions supporters, appreciate this period. This specific commemoration from one of England's worst moments serves as a recall that situations weren't always this good.

Current Reports

Follow Luke McLaughlin at 8pm UK time for women's football cup news regarding Arsenal versus Lyon.

Quote of the Day

“We stood there in a lengthy line, clad merely in our briefs. We were the continent's finest referees, premier athletes, inspirations, mature people, mothers and fathers, resilient characters with high morals … yet nobody spoke. We hardly glanced at one another, our eyes shifted somewhat anxiously as we were summoned forward in pairs. There Collina observed us from top to bottom with an ice-cold gaze. Quiet and watchful” – ex-international official Jonas Eriksson discloses the embarrassing processes officials were once put through by ex-Uefa refereeing chief Pierluigi Collina.

Football Daily Letters

“What does a name matter? There exists a Dr Seuss poem titled ‘Too Many Daves’. Did Blackpool encounter Steve Overload? Steve Bruce, together with staff Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been removed from their positions. So is that the end of the club’s Steve obsession? Not exactly! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie stay to manage the main squad. Complete Steve forward!” – John Myles

“Now that you've relaxed spending restrictions and distributed some merchandise, I've opted to write and offer a concise remark. Ange Postecoglou claims he started conflicts in the schoolyard with youngsters he expected would overpower him. This self-punishing inclination must explain his decision to join Nottingham Forest. As an enduring Tottenham follower I'll remain thankful for the second-year silverware yet the only follow-up season honor I predict him achieving near the Trent River, if he remains that duration, is the second tier and that would be a significant battle {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|